Tag: shadow

Easing Shadow into Light and the Unexpressed New Moon Energy

I dreamed of getting in a huge fight with myself.

Two nights ago, the night of the 7th, I dreamed of getting in a huge fight with a shadow, it woke me up, and really surprised me. I actually wasn’t very scared, the “shadow” felt non-foreign. I did repeatedly ask for protection from my spirit guides until i saw a little circle of light (it’s one of those random things you see when you close your eyes, not some massive vision) and then thought of asking for clarity before i dove back into my fight with this shadow. This second time I fought with shadow, i paused because i was tired of fighting and realized that it would only fight back in defense but not attack me. So we stopped fighting. I was awake at this time and considered blogging about it but decided to go back to sleep without getting up.

The next morning I thought about it and realized that I was fighting myself, my shadow. I wanted to read into it more so i did a reading asking if it was me (yes, redundant, i wanted approval).

(using Deviant Moon tarot)
is it me?

As I was reading, the six of wands bounced out, celebrating transformation! The sprout has blossomed into a beautiful flower

On to the reading, which showed me that I am finally coming to terms with my feelings and that I will find my way out of this inner maze; as the sun shines on me and I rethink my creative direction and heart’s purpose. Things that add to my inner maze are foolishly leaping forward while looking in all directions, distracted by random thoughts/worries leaping up at me. Not being able to hold onto finances can also add to the confusion.
My thoughts are on domestic peace within heart and home, meanwhile falling on my head when I am unable to juggle everything as I walk. Feelings are of bountiful expression and passion while also being being overwhelmed by emotions and not being able to rule over them smoothly, causing mental confusion and affecting my actions. (Fighting myself is bewildering)

There is a need to focus and spend wisely. Focus is something i both know i need and have been told i need. We all benefit from proper focus, it helps us work more efficiently. Spending … well … let’s just say i have been investing a lot in my journey to heal myself. I am staying in the positive, however, i am also spending close to 20 hrs a week on inner work related webinars and goal related work, then I spend my other time working and caring for my child and my home, which leaves very little for my goals of producing quality work that can be published and distributed. Hence the Magician falling on it’s head and dropping at the creations it had manifested. All this movement is affecting my inner emotional stability, while i stay sane on the outside, my activity is irritating my shadow self as i attempt to bring it to life. This is necessary agitation, as it is time to ease shadow into light.

I like to read the cards on the bottom of the deck, the “back side” as i like to call it. Online, I have seen them referred to them as “shadow cards”. This is what i got:

is it me back side

Now, I am working on my goals, the immediate influence is release of worry. The biggest challenge I face is that of my thoughts entrapping me in worry and creating problems of their own. In the distant past I cleared mental gridlock, then turned away from the blue and quit my puppet dance. In the future I face distraction. Currently, I am working with others on building up a common project, although my environment is not very encouraging as we all have clouds that drift over us and block out hope. I fear not continuing with my journey, thus not moving into a better place. The ending result is a break up of the usual routine. It is a bumping ride, but we are getting somewhere.

Again, a re-iteration of a need to focus and not be distracted by random busy work and mental worry (which according to those webinars, is negative self talk brought on by the ego). Also, today i did some readings with the Sacred Symbols deck and received the Focus card multiple times. I don’t need to get 10 things done haphazardly today, i need to work on my long term goals while taking care of my heart & home.

Now: What to do about shadow?
(using the Sacred Symbols Oracle Deck)
what to do about shadow?

This confused me at first and I stared at it for a while before going to work, then coming back to interpreting after my break from divination. First and foremost, I am Safe. There is no need for magical talismans in the outer world, this is about me, within me, and it is recommended for me to flip heaven and earth so that my feet may dance in the air and my hands brush against the fallen leaves that cover the ground. What grounds me is releasing my burdens and emptying them onto the ground. What crowns me is seeking healing and also finding and growing the healer within me.

To take a walk in the sky while letting my hands brush against the ground …. as I grasp the tangible constructs of life, my feet fly away to other places …

The “back side”:

what to do back side

I am now in a phase of transmutation of the shadow within me that I have been fighting with and supressing. The challenge ahead is the difficulty with receiving messages. What is best now is to think things through. As I have not fully expressed gratitude, nor have I fully grown into my new skin, the new moon energy is unable to enter my being and bring about new manifestations. More inner work is required to reconnect myself … join mind body and spirit with the universe so that I can feel and accept love, so that I can feel, know and own my power. My thoughts are on the shadow and as I heal and learn more about myself, I will attain friendship with my shadow self and in knowing myself better, I will also be able to attain new friends and alliances.

Air: To me air is movement, speed, thoughts that move “faster than light”. With the Dryad reversed I saw myself hanging upside down, thinking everything thoroughly and flying away with my thoughts as my hands worked in the physical realm, on my skills, on my work, on my craft.

I usually start new projects during the New Moon, it happened naturally before I even noticed this. However, during this New Moon, I have not starting anything new, rather, I am revisiting what I had put away. Apparently we are in a phase of Mercury Retrograde and that is just what happens during Mercury Retrograde. I know a little about astrology although I try not to read too much into it … I do not need a new obsession.

How about you? Have any of you [who normally work with the moon energy and “manifest” during the new moon] been unable to harness the New Moon energy this phase? I know that not everyone works with the Moon Phases but for those that do, has this cycle been different?

FYI: i will write a separate post on shadow work as i am currently accumulating references and ideas, and More readings!

On Inner Work: I have been getting the Hermit a lot in my readings, and many other readers online are describing this year as the year of the Hermit.

To know oneself and find light from within.

I will Also write a separate entry for the Hermit.

Reading into the New Year! And a review of the past

While spending New Year’s Eve on the mountain, i did a reading using the Nature’s Whispers oracle deck.

new year reading
Nature’s Whispers Oracle Deck by Angela Hartfield Illustrated by Josephine Wall, published by Blue Angel Publishing

On the left side is a review of 2015: showing that a major milestone of 2015 was acceptance of love and allowing it to guide us, which resulted in rejecting romantic love. However, we did move ourselves to higher ground in order to look back on our problems from a better vantage point, allowing us to realize that they aren’t as big as we thought they were. This allowed us to focus on setting clear goals for ourselves and work towards them. What grounded us was a celebration of differences within us, around us, and amongst us. This appreciation allows us to deepen our understanding of the interconnected aspect everything in our lives and allows us to grow.

The right side is a preview of 2016: showing that we will move with and into intuition, as our heart, mind, body and soul are stationed in a perfect setting, we align with the natural flow of the universe and are open to the messages it give us. This perfect setting gives us jitters of endless positivity, wherein we are internally driving to work nonstop, thus overlooking the need to pause and take a break. This lack of recess blocks the supportive flow from the universe and as we charge forward too harshly, we are unable to take the time to notice the help that is offered, and often to busy to offer to help others. A major issue of 2016 is being able to laugh and not take everything so seriously, we will need to pause and relax in order to heal the burning drive with gentle humor that can bring us back to the present, and connect us with our inner self and those around us.

My word for 2016 is Manifestation, where everything will be actualized. All my plans and ideas will take physical form and i will burn with endless artistry. I know i will need to take a break, even when i don’t want to, and i just want to keep working to oblivion …. but i think back to the audio lecture from Arielle Ford that i recently listened to, wherein she had us calm down and connect to our higher self. One belief that i have to let go of, is the thought that everything has to be difficult … overworked and stressful … this habit of over working had ruined my love of dance and made me hate myself for too long. I am gradually letting this go and learning to not drive myself so hard. In 2015, the year of many realizations, i realized that what i needed would come to me when i finally stopped driving myself to the point of exhaustion … After working myself into depression and panic for many years, i Finally proceeded to let it go … taking baby steps at a time … from trying too hard to gradually being less pushy with myself and more selective of how i spent my time … instead of desperately grabbing at everything that falls from the sky, i only reach for what truly matters to me … letting everything else go. When i took a step back, breath, and looked at everything from a better place, i could finally resolve my feelings of anger & frustration, allowing myself to love & appreciate dance again, along with all that which is within myself. This ties into the next question i asked during my meditation: What do i need to do for myself these next few days in order to assist me in manifesting my goals: Rest. I kind of rested today … Kind Of … i started off watching webinars nonstop like usual, then took a break to meditate and say thanks while asking for guidance, i also made cayenne scented almond macaroons and candied walnuts [to share with my parents and siblings today], then i went back to knitting while watching more webinars, and i finished my flexibility work out before i ate dinner, and now i am working on this blog post 🙂 … this is my rest day, where i do what i enjoy and also brush up on what i am backlogged on. I also Finally got around to doing physical therapy yesterday … i was backlogged on that also.

Arielle Ford mentioned two statements that she learned and uses in meditation, and which i really connect with, will be using, and wanted to share:

  • In this moment, I have everything that I need : Taking a moment to say this and believe this will allow us to envision our dream life. As we ask ourselves: If I could do anything I wanted, what would it be? Once we know, we can create a goal and set the process into motion
  • Ask and you shall receive : spirit will offer guidance when we ask for it, they do not intervene without permission because they respect our free will
  • Gratitude
  • Love
  • Appreciation

So for New Years I was up on the mountain with my daughter watching a fire wyrm ski down the snowy slopes. It was the perfect way to ignite the fire of the new year. The next morning i drove to the lake side and walked on the edges of the frozen lake and played with some ice.

Fire & Ice

I also bought new cards! Themed poker cards: I Spy Game for the kiddies to play in the car and Edible Wilderness for foraging fun 😀

poker cards

And why the Nature’s Whispers oracle deck? Because i let my daughter choose which deck she wanted to bring to the mountain and this is the one she chose 🙂 I also brought my Deviant Moon deck which i use for public reading, but i wanted to try out using non-tarot decks more 🙂

Also a note on Reversals which people seem to have “trouble” with and avoid, especially when using “oracle cards”. We can not ignore the shadows and imagine that everything is light hearted and bright. The universe is a combination of light and darkness, and so are we, as individual human microcosms with our own biological and spiritual mini-ecosystems within us, mirroring the cosmos. I read reversals because i accept both light and shadow, both the negative and positive. When i first looked at my 2016 reading i was fearful and afraid that i may be facing a prediction of disempowerment and falling into fragility, but i took time to ponder over it and allow the teachings of the many life coaches and master teachers sink into my mind. I also had the chance to chat with a friend who coincidentally called me the day i’d decided to write this entry. This is not “doom and gloom”, it is a picture of challenges that only serve to make us stronger and help us grow.

And on the confusion regarding what the reversal is supposed to mean, look at it in context with the rest of the spread. What does it seem to say to you ie what would match with the rest of the cards? Look at the images and try to tell a story with them, including the reversed cards? (this latter tip is from a video interview of Mary K. Greer)

I did another reading about what to do to make the most of this next next year, i did not take a photo of this one, but my reading literally stated to “be your best self always” jump into the unknown future with “leap[s] of faith”. We may need to reduce the randomness of our adventures and not go in every single gateway that opens to us, as this would distract us and affect our ability to discern between egotistical whims and the needs of our true inner self. When we stare at the sun, it temporarily blinds us, as a flurry of light burns into our vision, we must calm the self and regroup our focus before we can move forward again. Trusting the universe to be there for us whether we are blind or able to see, take a deep breath, before plunging into the unknown depths of the deep … true darkness is as disorientating as pure light … either extreme will yield the same effect … We have but ourselves and our trust in what is to come.