Hello everyone, I have not updated Ocean Blue Psyche in a really long time because I have “rebranded” and decided to focus on a different topic.
My new website is :
Metaphysical Knock Out
That is where I will be posting from now on.
Ocean Blue Psyche is still up for now, but I plan to erase it completely and then migrate my most poignant posts to Metaphysical Knock Out. I didn’t plan on writing a long explanation but it is turning into a lot :
I was too sick to work for an ENTIRE year, when I FINALLY recovered, I was asked Repeatedly to work either for free or trade for things that would NOT pay my bills. People who said they weren’t going to pay me NEVER DID. People telling me that they’l help me find a job but THEY DON’T. People asking for stuff without offering to pay me for it or even help share my work on social media to at least get me noticed. People superficially liking my posts even though they had Absolutely No Interest in what I did, they wanted to “be nice”. The only ONE person who shared my posts was in a competitor market with no possible clientele, so it didn’t help me AT ALL. And then a friend told me something that changed my life “People will pay for what they want. If they don’t want to pay you then you just aren’t ‘good enough’ for the market. Those people who keep complimenting you are lying.” Which I TOTALLY agree with. She was a VERY helpful person with a professional corporate background who analyzed my website, gave me marketing & business advice. Basically, I Never hit my target clientele, nobody needs to be superficial and give me empty compliments or like my crap to “be nice” OK. This is after I spent close to $4,000 on online business classes and business coaching which helped Other people break six figures but DID NOT HELP ME AT ALL. I worked so hard trying to make my holistic business work out that I GOT SICK AGAIN. That combined with a YEAR of medical bills that I paid for Out Of Pocket because holistic care and herbal medicine is NOT included in my below poverty level medical insurance plan. Yeah, I had so little income that I was eligible for all sorts of federal aid like medical. I REFUSED to go back on Food stamps though.
When I graduated from college 3 years ago I went from being a hopeful graduate hoping to get a BASIC office job to an Overly Stressed single mom who was getting blocked on social media for “self promotion” when I tried to promote my classes in order to earn some damn income. I had applied to over 300 jobs and been told REPEATEDLY that I did not have enough experience. I was sleeping so little that I lost Half of my hair, I now have a Natural Asymmetrical hair length style thing because of that. I really don’t know why I was not offered an office job … considering I had friends telling me “Wow you are so talented. Did you go to a school for the gifted?” and some people telling me their company was hiring and they want to hire me but they DON’T. AND I had over 5 years of Retail Sales experience with managers who said I was a great Team worker and could vouch for me. (I was refusing to go back to a mall job because I had a friggin College Degree OK) I will take it as a challenge from the Universe for me to COMPLETELY change and go deep into the past and the unhealthy habits I had learned to live with.
What broke me down the most was when I had to quit everything I loved and enjoyed (the “hobbies”) because it had become so stressful trying to earn ANY form of income from it that I started to HATE those activities and begrudge anyone else who had any inkling of support or success. I had to let go of everything and anything I was proud of …. I pealed off the layers of my persona SO much that I was RAW. PURE RAWNESS. And it was there that I finally found myself … when I asked Spirit for help and why they didn’t give me more answers, Spirit told me that they HAD been talking to me but I was bad at listening. I can’t say that I have completely found myself because I believe that life is a learning process and there is always more to learn about the Universe and our own microcosm/perception of the Self. Plus we grow and change so we find different things each time we “search”, which is both challenging and fun!
It may be difficult to move forward, we may feel swamped or blocked at every turn. However when you take a step back and a couple further away from the chaotic cloud, you will be able to gain the perspective you need to find a path through it all. Yes we can go around, Over or Under the mess, but complete avoidance will get back to us as eventually, when the Universe returns us to the lesson we have been refusing to learn.
Inner strength is not found in Resisting the motion but rather to flow with it and change ourselves in a way which affects the environment. This is the quiet, unseen strength that drives the energetic thread of reality.
What is subtle, unseen and barely noticed, like a player who plays by the rules and breaks the game. Changing it into something else … into a wonderful adventure that is boundless and has no rules.
Metaphysical Knock Out
(PS Yes I finally got a full time day job and I am working on projects on the side. I also had to take out a personal loan in order to cover all those medical expenses and bills I accrued during the time I was sick. So now I am trying to pay that loan off WITH $50,0000 worth of student loans. In case you are wondering, I did turned off my internet to reduce bills when I was sick.)
If you are still reading, maybe you want to read about what what I learned from my experience. I learned that over-working was bad for both me and my kid. I learned that I drove myself crazy doing too many things at once. I learned that I am an individual and what worked for someone else might not work for me. I learned that I must not drive myself crazy with unrealistic expectations and that I should tell people who are pressuring me with Theirs to Fuck Off. I learned that even though I’m naturally a hard worker who loves to give. I can not give so much that I work myself sick. I MUST Demand that I receive something in Exchange. (I have been taken advantage of enough already) I learned that when I try to run my own business it is best for me to Either go slowly or get help. I learned that when I try too hard on social media I confuse myself with what’s going on. I learned that I need to take care of myself in order to properly advise and care for others. The overworking only disconnected me from the truth within, my own inner guidance and connection with Spirit. I learned that even though others can help to guide me back to my answer, it was ultimately within me. I learned to look within FOR my answers.
FYI I can not give freely anymore because my body will Physically break out into hives and Physically get sick from stress. Do not ever ask me for anything unless you have something of equal value in exchange. If I don’t consider what you have valuable then the exchange is not happening. Go somewhere else.