Category: dreams

Resting in the Coffin of a Long Gone Lover

I didn’t used to pay any attention to Mercury Retrograde, but lately i’v noticed that it Does affect me, and Heavily.

Last night, I dreamed of traveling in a subway train to this outdoors woodsy type place to take part of a challenge, which was to live in this area for a week. I walked around absorbing the sights, sounds and feelings of the environment, while also observing the temporary dwellings of other challengers. The little old lady had built a cute little cottage, it was a red cherry wood color with a deep red varnish and had cute mat teal green wooden board type shingles, there were cute decorative shutters with flowers carved in the wood and maybe a pet (i don’t remember too clearly). According to the dream logic, it was the size of a “tiny house”, which was the size of a dumpster. The last guy i had been with was also there, and he had brought a coffin to serve as his tent. This coffin was the size of a car, had the look and feel of plywood from the hardware store, and it’s lid lifted up and stayed in place like the lid over the body of a grand piano. In the dream i thought about how it was a good structure to stand against the rain and asked him if he’d gotten that from the nearby town, to which he replied yes, and that town was 8 hrs away from here. I continued walking around observing the ground, seeing the damp leaves and feeling the moist over cast weather. Very blue gray with damp red fallen leaves on the ground. As night fell, I needed a place to stay since I had not made or brought my own dwelling, so I texted The guy and he replied with a message telling me to not bother him because he was spending the night in town. It was implied in the dream that i had permission to stay in his coffin, which i did for the rest of the challenge week, and The guy was never there as he was spending every night in town. I thought of how it would be nice for him to hold me as i rested but i also thought of how he most likely had a new girlfriend by now, even though i’d never asked him (both in real life and in the dream).
During the week the rain started Pouring and everyone in this area decided to gather in the subway station to celebrate. We all danced in a damp subway station with water logged cement floors, with some dancers flying up into the air.
At the end of the challenge, i was declared the winner of the challenge because i’d spent the entire week camping out in The guy’s coffin while other people either weren’t there (like The guy) or had their structure washed away by the rain (The little old lady).

Staying in the coffin of a long gone lover, wishing to be held again. Within this hiding place i rest my flame and take a break from the burning. I tend to myself so that the torrent of rain will not wash me away like everyone else.

Fresh rain is clearing, cleansing and to be celebrated! We let the water wash us, yet are careful to not be swept up and away by the current.

I rest as i shed my skin and grow

(photo of coffin here that i got online because pictures look nice in blog posts and i didn’t want to draw a coffin last minute. if anyone has better ideas on where and how to get random stock images like this, let me know 🙂 i am going to get better at looking for stock images as i write more)

During this Mercury Retrograde, i started with going back to a hobby i had quit, then started a side income idea i had given up on, and now i dream of the last guy.

As i type this i realize that my dreams are in sequence with each other, first i fight with myself and my shadow, then Anubis brings me to the shadow realm, and last night i rested in the coffin of a long gone lover.

Journey into the Shadow Land : the unpaid and uncredited labor of Women

On the 8th, while reflecting over the dream where i’d gotten in a fight with my shadow, i did some web research about it. After putting shadow work into the internet search bar, i found the definition “unpaid labor”. That night i symbolically entered a shadow land in my dreams. I remember watching the sun set while standing on a massive structure similar to a pyramid, and a man who represented Anubis stood next to me as we both honored the setting sun, viewing it with deep appreciation and acceptance for what was to come.
At one point in the dream I was with my daughter and other moms shopping when the male shop keeper went to the back and his female helper came out. While chatting with her, she revealed that she was a shadow worker: unpaid, in the shadow of the male shop owner. I cried for her because it made me think of all the women I knew who had worked for free: offering amazing quality goods and services for free, usually to men. Many of these women ended up penniless, sometimes with “friends” who would not help them when they were in need. They gave away their talents and let men take the credit. I thought of how in history we virtually only read about men accomplishing things, making discoveries, creating ideas that change the world, with rare accounts of women who had invented or made amazing things happen. Without the women working without unpaid and uncredited, wives, sisters, mothers, friends and domestic servants, keeping home and hearth clean and organized so the minds and bodies of men could function, supporting and encouraging their male counterparts to make world a better place. Without these women and their shadow work, those men would not have succeeded. Many times a man would steal a woman’s idea and become rich and famous from it (like the origin of Monopoly). I cried thinking of how women were shadows of men in the past, and are often still playing that role now.

edit: Here is another link: men reap the benefits of women’s invisible labor

Feminism has changed the world and now women are finally breaking through to the surface and making themselves known to the world. We no longer want to or have to hide, society is being forced to acknowledge women as Human Beings who are at equal level to men. Just because we are different biologically does not make us any less important to the fabric of society, wherein all humans are joined and connected in order for the community and human world to function. We, Women, are Equally deserving of acknowledgement, appreciation, and payment.

We are not Shadows of men
We will not hide our voice
We will not hide our thoughts
We will not hide our bodes
For we are Not Shadows of Men
We are Women

I looked up Anubis since i only know a little about Egyptian mythology and found out that he has a female counterpart: Anput and a daughter: Kebechet. Kebechet is referred to as a serpent and her name means “cooling water” representing embalming liquid, she refreshes and purifies the dead, fortifying them from corruption. Serpents shed their skin to grow, and water cleanses and refreshes.

We shed a skin that no longer serves us to grow anew, and drink cooking water to refresh and cleans our mind, body, spirit soul.

Easing Shadow into Light and the Unexpressed New Moon Energy

I dreamed of getting in a huge fight with myself.

Two nights ago, the night of the 7th, I dreamed of getting in a huge fight with a shadow, it woke me up, and really surprised me. I actually wasn’t very scared, the “shadow” felt non-foreign. I did repeatedly ask for protection from my spirit guides until i saw a little circle of light (it’s one of those random things you see when you close your eyes, not some massive vision) and then thought of asking for clarity before i dove back into my fight with this shadow. This second time I fought with shadow, i paused because i was tired of fighting and realized that it would only fight back in defense but not attack me. So we stopped fighting. I was awake at this time and considered blogging about it but decided to go back to sleep without getting up.

The next morning I thought about it and realized that I was fighting myself, my shadow. I wanted to read into it more so i did a reading asking if it was me (yes, redundant, i wanted approval).

(using Deviant Moon tarot)
is it me?

As I was reading, the six of wands bounced out, celebrating transformation! The sprout has blossomed into a beautiful flower

On to the reading, which showed me that I am finally coming to terms with my feelings and that I will find my way out of this inner maze; as the sun shines on me and I rethink my creative direction and heart’s purpose. Things that add to my inner maze are foolishly leaping forward while looking in all directions, distracted by random thoughts/worries leaping up at me. Not being able to hold onto finances can also add to the confusion.
My thoughts are on domestic peace within heart and home, meanwhile falling on my head when I am unable to juggle everything as I walk. Feelings are of bountiful expression and passion while also being being overwhelmed by emotions and not being able to rule over them smoothly, causing mental confusion and affecting my actions. (Fighting myself is bewildering)

There is a need to focus and spend wisely. Focus is something i both know i need and have been told i need. We all benefit from proper focus, it helps us work more efficiently. Spending … well … let’s just say i have been investing a lot in my journey to heal myself. I am staying in the positive, however, i am also spending close to 20 hrs a week on inner work related webinars and goal related work, then I spend my other time working and caring for my child and my home, which leaves very little for my goals of producing quality work that can be published and distributed. Hence the Magician falling on it’s head and dropping at the creations it had manifested. All this movement is affecting my inner emotional stability, while i stay sane on the outside, my activity is irritating my shadow self as i attempt to bring it to life. This is necessary agitation, as it is time to ease shadow into light.

I like to read the cards on the bottom of the deck, the “back side” as i like to call it. Online, I have seen them referred to them as “shadow cards”. This is what i got:

is it me back side

Now, I am working on my goals, the immediate influence is release of worry. The biggest challenge I face is that of my thoughts entrapping me in worry and creating problems of their own. In the distant past I cleared mental gridlock, then turned away from the blue and quit my puppet dance. In the future I face distraction. Currently, I am working with others on building up a common project, although my environment is not very encouraging as we all have clouds that drift over us and block out hope. I fear not continuing with my journey, thus not moving into a better place. The ending result is a break up of the usual routine. It is a bumping ride, but we are getting somewhere.

Again, a re-iteration of a need to focus and not be distracted by random busy work and mental worry (which according to those webinars, is negative self talk brought on by the ego). Also, today i did some readings with the Sacred Symbols deck and received the Focus card multiple times. I don’t need to get 10 things done haphazardly today, i need to work on my long term goals while taking care of my heart & home.

Now: What to do about shadow?
(using the Sacred Symbols Oracle Deck)
what to do about shadow?

This confused me at first and I stared at it for a while before going to work, then coming back to interpreting after my break from divination. First and foremost, I am Safe. There is no need for magical talismans in the outer world, this is about me, within me, and it is recommended for me to flip heaven and earth so that my feet may dance in the air and my hands brush against the fallen leaves that cover the ground. What grounds me is releasing my burdens and emptying them onto the ground. What crowns me is seeking healing and also finding and growing the healer within me.

To take a walk in the sky while letting my hands brush against the ground …. as I grasp the tangible constructs of life, my feet fly away to other places …

The “back side”:

what to do back side

I am now in a phase of transmutation of the shadow within me that I have been fighting with and supressing. The challenge ahead is the difficulty with receiving messages. What is best now is to think things through. As I have not fully expressed gratitude, nor have I fully grown into my new skin, the new moon energy is unable to enter my being and bring about new manifestations. More inner work is required to reconnect myself … join mind body and spirit with the universe so that I can feel and accept love, so that I can feel, know and own my power. My thoughts are on the shadow and as I heal and learn more about myself, I will attain friendship with my shadow self and in knowing myself better, I will also be able to attain new friends and alliances.

Air: To me air is movement, speed, thoughts that move “faster than light”. With the Dryad reversed I saw myself hanging upside down, thinking everything thoroughly and flying away with my thoughts as my hands worked in the physical realm, on my skills, on my work, on my craft.

I usually start new projects during the New Moon, it happened naturally before I even noticed this. However, during this New Moon, I have not starting anything new, rather, I am revisiting what I had put away. Apparently we are in a phase of Mercury Retrograde and that is just what happens during Mercury Retrograde. I know a little about astrology although I try not to read too much into it … I do not need a new obsession.

How about you? Have any of you [who normally work with the moon energy and “manifest” during the new moon] been unable to harness the New Moon energy this phase? I know that not everyone works with the Moon Phases but for those that do, has this cycle been different?

FYI: i will write a separate post on shadow work as i am currently accumulating references and ideas, and More readings!

On Inner Work: I have been getting the Hermit a lot in my readings, and many other readers online are describing this year as the year of the Hermit.

To know oneself and find light from within.

I will Also write a separate entry for the Hermit.

Ah Sacred Heart

Ah Sacred Heart! What inspiration seethes in your world today? What aspect, as a microcosm of the universe, will you reveal to me today?

Inspired by talking to Judi Cali and also the concept of Yin Yang (陰陽) which has to do with my dream last night.

Last night, 3 women appeared in my dream: the first one represented giving with boundaries and good business sense/ethics, the second one was a healer who pulled a snake-like worm out of my right side, she represented Yin 陰 energy, and the third was masculine and represented Yang 陽 energy.

I woke up feeling like i had gone through a shamanistic cleansing, healed & rested. I was SO happy that my neck soreness was gone and looked forward to swimming at the beach since the weather was quite warm. It was nice seeing other people there, a family swimming, And one other person swimming out to the buoy without a wet suit. Glad that I wasn’t the only person swimming without a wet suit today 😛


Swimming in the beach is always nice adventure that doubles as a spiritually and physically cleansing activity. Floating along the waves and enjoying the movement allows me to surrender and relinquish the ego’s control over my mind, filling myself with gratitude and love for the universe.