(Cards pictured are Quantum Tarot)
Last night I had a dream that started off with me working on a group projects with classmates in college. It was a genuinely collaborative and friendly environment, which makes me think of the Three of Cups and the Three of Pentacles. When we were done, we went to clean up the work space and noticed some stuff left by some guys who had already left. We picked it up for them, planning to return it them when we had a chance. Then I drove off. While driving, I realized that my car brakes did not function at all, which made worry about getting into an accident. So I made an extra wide right turn (lanes were kinda reversed so going right was going into opposite lane and against traffic), noticing that everyone was aware of my car malfunctioning And they were also able to maneuver away from me and avoid a collision, and turned into an undeveloped area with dirt and tall wild grass. The friction caused by rolling over the natural terrain caused my car to halt. As I prepared to exit the car, I noticed that the left (driver’s side) of the vehicle was right smack against a tan-peach stucco wall so I would have to exit another door. And I awoke right as I exited the car.
The key to the dream is realizing that I need to and can Ground myself when I lose myself in the rush of activity. I cherish and miss being amongst my peers (long long ago, in a place with no hierarchies) and I love the thrill of starting a new project. However the lack of mature and practical business sense combined with the creative energy of the Magician does not translate well into the physical realm, hence despite of how hopeful I stay, I am locked in habitual patterns that don’t work and lead to breakdowns.
Hope keeps me alive, and drives me forward. Despite of all my crashes and breakdowns. Even when I crash in an emotional heap of burning anger, after I finish burning away the rage that flames inside of me, I look inward for the guiding candle of hope. Remembering to be thankful for all that I have gained and earned up to this point. Letting this soothing and gentle light fill my body and bring recovery.
Instead of getting ahead of myself with exaggerated expectations for new projects and flipping out when they aren’t met, I should slow down, be thankful for what I have and learn to build up at a more sustainable pace in order to exit patterns of uncontrollable rush that have always lead to breakdowns.