Monthly archives: April, 2016

The Challenger : Custom Tarot Card Layout / Spread

As I approach a major milestone this weekend, I decided to create this layout in celebration, and also to study the current and coming challenges.

The Challenger

Challenger tarot spread

  1. The Self
  2. The Situation : Where I am at
  3. The Background : How and why I am here
  4. Challenges I face
  5. Nature of the Challenges
  6. What Helps
  7. What Does Not Help
  8. Grounding/Centering Force
  9. Crowning/Uplifting Force

This weekend: I am giving Tarot and Oracle Car readings at The Holistic Faire and Marketpalce at The School of Multidimensional Healing Arts & Sciences! This is the first time that I am giving readings at a Metaphysical Faire! I gave two test readings last week at my interview and told that they would not know who they had room for until this week. And sure enough, early this week I received an email showing that I was on the roster for this week! I have been excited and looking forward to this all week! Prior to this, I have given readings to friends and strangers at smaller and mainly art based events and parties, and to a different type of audience. So this is a Exciting development for me!

After facing lots of difficulty in the past with the various fields that I have been trying to tap into, I have realized that not only is there is always something to challenge me and make me grow, but I should also challenge myself to help myself grow. Hence The Challenger custom Tarot Card Layout/Spread was created! It came from an idea I though of that would have a “weekend warrior” theme, since so many of us have weekends bustling with activity and randomness, in contrast to the consistent schedule of the weekdays. An online search reveals a definition of “weekend warrior” that I did not know of : military reservist who attends weekend meetings in order to fulfill military obligations. Which is interesting.

Anyways, here is the reading that I gave myself, using this spread:

the challenger reading

Right now I have finally found my way out of the woods and am no longer feeling helplessly lost. This is due to not giving up on something that I could have left. I was able to find my way after I decided to be more involved in something I did not understand and was previously not paying much attention to. The Challenge I face is worry, caused by false starts and the inability to launch new projects. What helps me is overcoming the mental trauma and negativity that comes from “failures” in my past. What does not help is trying to do everything on my own, without asking for help or advice of any kind, and in general not being informed of mistakes that I am making. What Grounds me is the knowing that the World and all that it has to offer will Always be there for me. What crowns me is taking a break from constant studying of the external world to turn inward in order to learn more about my inner self and the truth that lies within me.

When you don’t understand something, study it closely and you will come to a breakthrough.
Sometimes, the study will take you to places you never knew existed, outside and inside of the self.

No matter what happens, know that the World is always there for you, and you can always take a break to look within and reflect on what you have learned.


Custom Tarot Card Layout : The Bird in reading on Synthesis / Tying up loose ends

  The Bird is a card layout that i developed for problem solving. It focuses on what is not seen, what is important to know, and what can either help or distract us. I also came up with this catchy poem to help with remembering the layout. This is one of my favorite layouts that i created, and i use it very often when reflecting on any issues at hand.


Myself & The Situation
3 things i don’t see
3 things to know
2 things that help
2 things that don’t
what grounds and crowns me

and i think this looks like a bird, hence the name

The Bird

  • 1 Myself
  • 2 & 3 the Situation
  • 4, 5, 6 Three Thing i Don’t See
  • 7, 8, 9 Three Things To Know
  • 10 & 11 Two Things That Help
  • 12 & 13 Two Things That Don’t
  • 14 what Grounds me
  • 15 what Crowns me

  I used this recently to look into problematic launches that i have been dealing with. For example, this month, i’v been working really hard on trying successfully to gain new dance students. However, despite avid marketing, it completely flopped and all the various people on social media and in real life who had showed interest, actually flaked out. So i went through a massive reset during the week of the Pink April Full Moon and mentally went over all the different websites/projects I have connected to my main site Umbra Solis Lux Lunae as well as my plan to write a book about tarot, then illustrate a series of tarot cards as well as some other abstract art, on top of that i am also getting more into web design and getting ready to organize and start journalling online about my various arts & crafts project, and i want to start new websites on other topics. With all these partially finished projects hanging around, most of them in stasis and many stored away in emotional purgatory, i was wondering how i could tie up loose strings and finalize Everything effectively ending my streak incompletes.

My reading:
The Bird : Synthesis

  I have not yet walked away from what no longer serves me, which disrupts my emotional balance and gets in the way of my learning. My emotions churn within me but do not flow outwards. Hence I must care for myself so that my heart can be open, allowing me to move forward with intent and purpose. What I don’t see is all the hope exists within me, consistently assisting me as i go through everything in life. My fire has turned inward to nurture myself as i recuperate. What I should know is that I don’t see or understand the whole truth of what is happening and I can stop worrying and tackling problems that throw me off my horse. What helps is m obstinate perfectionist carrying me through the spinning wheel of life, causing delays. What does not help is insisting on being strong and invulnerable trapping me in my mental tree/tower, wherein i refuse to come down due to unnecessary fears. The swords i see are created by the mind, the fear and wishes of the ego, driving me away from the ground that is there for me.

  This is not a time to insist on being strong, the Universe is breaking through my shell so that I may turn inward, reconnect with myself, my hidden self, before i move forward … because only after this, will i be able to start anew and build with a good foundation.

  When we don’t listen to the insistence of the Universe, it breaks through our defenses to teach us a lesson. When we are able to embrace the feelings of frustration and pain so that we can turn inward and return to the self. It is from here that our authenticity & integrity may lay the foundation for our development.


Dealing with Projected Anger

So my whole family has anger issues and being around them hurts me. I try to talk to them and all of a sudden they are projecting their personal problems onto the world and being angry about Everything and Yelling at me because I happen to talking about something they want to be angry about. I am used to this from my parents, who don’t believe in resolving their own problems; however, i feel sad that they are ruining my brother’s life by investing ALL their anger into him and make him this explosive bomb that ticks off almost every time i try to converse with him. I should say that i’m glad he’s not so stressed out that he’s threatening to ask his friends to break my arms and legs so i can’t maneuver to his parents’ house anymore. So him just being angry and yelling things Without threatening me is an improvement. I don’t need to get into what my parents like to yell about, i Can say that they are meaner than my brother, just older and less physically threatening.

I am currently trying to work through and absolve all my anger issues and it’s a process that takes time. Reading about just what kind of angry bullshit i have to deal with all throughout my life probably explains why it’s not easy for me to work through the lingering affects it has on me …

Last week i tried to have a simple conversation with my brother about how i like a certain fitness coach and how it seems like a fun job and he started to angrily rant about how he knew people who needed coaches and how he thinks that’s absolutely pathetic because he makes himself stay up all night studying because he has the Will to do so and that if people need support they are wusses who don’t deserve shit or something like that.

It hurt to hear him so angry, it hurt to feel his anger, it felt like emotional daggers cutting into my happiness, my Balanced mental state. It felt like i was being emotionally punched down into a hole. It was difficult for me to not feel like it was my fault for talking about something that happened to upset him. So i came home and did a reading on this to help myself through the moment.

handling anger

I asked: How to handle being hurt by my brother’s anger?

I should hold onto my physical symbol of what i want to manifest, my talisman and grounding myself in this reality of this world, this goal, this possibility, even as a break through has not come yet. What lies at the foundation of my pain is a lack of proper boundaries, I am letting angry people into my energy and allowing them to hurt me, which disconnects me from the love that the universe has for me.

Boundaries around me, and internal safe space within me. All that is sacred, all that is known, in and out, above and below.
With love as the guide for my heart and my soul, my body will follow, the mind will produce, and from this path a dream is induced into physical manifestation.

The Earth and physical reality is there for me, I am blessed. My connection to physical reality allows my blessings to manifest in this realm. Knowing that my friends are there for me can uplift my spirit and carry me above these dense and heavy feelings of hurt. I can reach out to them. In the past i did not properly transmute energy or think clearly, so now there is work for me to do. Right now i release myself from the ego’s projection of jealously that infects my family members and produces this contagious anger. As I am in an environment of healing and receptivity. I am worried about what a lack of meditation does to my plans. However, I should know that my work will pay off and I will have a balanced prosperity.

Spirit is there to guide me, and the physical Earth is here to hold me. I need not escape into fantasy, reality is here, I am here, and I Can Change my Reality.

I used to spend a majority of my day daydreaming as i did my work and lived around anger infested family members. It was how i’d learned to deal with my reality. Escapism is one thing they call it. However, i don’t have to escape reality anymore, and i shouldn’t, i need to remain attached enough to create the reality i want, the reality that is best for me, the reality that is in alignment with my soul purpose. And when I am feeling down in the dumps from external projections of anger, i can reach out to friends for some positive energy to cheer me up.

We, you, I and others don’t have to constantly escape reality in order to cope. We are capable of changing our reality and bringing about our goals. We are also able to reach out to friends for some positive energy input.

Wishing you all a good weekend, Umbra.


Dark Moon Flow

My flow hit the Dark/New Moon this week so i decided to do a few readings with the Quantum Tarot deck which i have not picked up in a while.

First I asked if there was anything to be said since i had gone for several months since picking these up again.

What's up?

Message: All is not lost, I have temporarily broken from my ideals from the disjoint between reality and dreams, but stay strong! The Earth grounds me, the nurturing mother who provides, and what crowns me is a tricky imbalance between giving and receiving. This imbalance is something i have been aiming to break up and resolve, and it is now at the forefront of my mind and will cause more friction … until i resolve it.

Dark/New Moon Spread (i found this somewhere, it is not an original spread of mines)
April 2016 Dark Moon
What is unseen is my release from mental gridlock caused by internal programming, as i have been in a process of healing my psyche, hence all is not lost because I am finally removing removing blindfold. What will begin to show is that I have not entirely left a situation in which i am emotionally attached. What illuminates the dark path is the World showing love and guidance, as i am feeling restricted by perceived limitations, it reminds me that the Universe is unlimited and will be there for me, I don’t have to fight for everything. Myself is represented by the reverse Ace of Wands because … i just experienced a failed launch and now i’m feeling burned out, and nursing my wounded ego. The energy i felt while launching has dissipated and now i don’t feel like trying anymore.

Yes, i launched something i perceived as important yesterday, April 7th, the night of the New Moon. It didn’t do so well and i have been trying to resolve my feelings over it this entire day … after half a day of angsting, i am feeling somewhat better. However, that fire that drove me has diminished to a pulsing ember.

I drove myself Onward even when my flow became heavy and i was so tired that i had to take naps in the middle of the day. And now, i am so tired that i don’t want to go out anymore, i just want to sit at home, finishing projects, cleaning house and tying up new ends.

Thinking of my flow, i decided to do a reading about it! I found this Moon time Spread somewhere a few years ago and i enjoy using this layout 🙂

April Dark Moon Flow 2016

What i release is the constant changes that spun me topsy turvy, and the system shock that came with it. What i keep is the challenges of day to day life and conflicts that come up while working on achieving goals. What I am receiving is a release from the financial struggle and the sense of material lack as i have been working on retaining a mentality of abundance (and watching tons of webinars on it helps). The outside world may temporarily weaken me and make me feel weak, but when i connect to my inner strength and Trust myself, i will Know that I Am Strong. I provide a network of connections to others that improves group dynamics and makes everyone feel connected. Now, I begin to focus on plans for achieving the goals i have in mind. The lesson i need to learn is to be unapolagetically authentic and own my power, let my fire drives me as i work towards my goal, independent of what opinions others may have of it.

These two weeks have been trying on my body, mind and spirit; it has tested my strength and made me feel weak and powerless. But when i draw within myself and gently kindle my inner flame, it grows and burns stronger and stronger. When it is strong enough to power my heart, my self-confidence and trust in the universe, I charge forward, Knowing that i Am Strong, and I Will Achieve ALL my goals.


Reading on Personal Growth : Going Within to Heal

I like to periodically ask about how I can move forward and Grow. This is the reading I got right before i headed to a class/session with teacher and psychic medium Debora Hookey who along with some other members of the circle, gave me very enlightening messages from my guides. Specifically within my family … with whom i’v had some issues with … My grandfather came through and reminded me to let go of my anger and embrace forgiveness, which ties into another reading i did a few weeks ago on romantic relationships … I must grow and move past my current obstacles before i can move into a healthy partnership.

April Growth

I must ground myself inside, instead of going out to try and connect with the universe. I must be within myself, cultivate awareness of the partnership between myself, my spirit, my body, my mind, and my spirit guides who are linked to source.

within myself
within my body
within the chambers of my heart
within the whirling thoughts of my mindhttp://oceanbluepsyche.com/wp-admin/admin.php?page=jetpack
within the journey of my soul

a song about a Hero plays in the background … I want to be a Hero … and I will be my own Hero in my story

I should reach out to friends when I am in need, instead of powering through and burning out by myself, they are there for me, spirit is there ready to give me messages that can help me move forward as I accept them with gratitude.

I use the Sacred Symbols Oracle cards by Marcella Kroll, for this, and daily energy readings.

A couple weeks ago i wanted to pick up my Halloween Deck again after a break. i really love Wisdom of the Oracle cards so much that i have been using them nonstop and now they are starting to become damaged at the corners. Anyways, i like the halloween deck and am glad that i picked it up for my reading on Romantic Relationships

Love & Forgiveness
Halloween Oracle Deck by Stacey Demarco & illustrated by Jimmy Manton

I call this layout the Cross of the Self

I asked:

  • What I yearn for?
  • What I seek?
  • What to know?
  • Who I am
  • What am I trying to be?

I yearn for a release from fear as I seek something other than love … stability and support that was not present in my past … I need to know that now is the time for Forgiveness to help heal the wounds from the past. I am unaware of my natural luck, and I keep trying to be Strong

After the healing and growth, that is when I will be ready for a fulfilling partnership.

We all try to be strong and face the world, sometimes overlooking the areas where we nee healing and care. We must face the world in order move forward, Spirit reminds us to always come home to the heart and be in touch what our soul wants … hidden behind the fears and wants of ego, and the complexities of the mind, our spirit speaks to us.