Month: April 2016

Dealing with Projected Anger

So my whole family has anger issues and being around them hurts me. I try to talk to them and all of a sudden they are projecting their personal problems onto the world and being angry about Everything and Yelling at me because I happen to talking about something they want to be angry about. I am used to this from my parents, who don’t believe in resolving their own problems; however, i feel sad that they are ruining my brother’s life by investing ALL their anger into him and make him this explosive bomb that ticks off almost every time i try to converse with him. I should say that i’m glad he’s not so stressed out that he’s threatening to ask his friends to break my arms and legs so i can’t maneuver to his parents’ house anymore. So him just being angry and yelling things Without threatening me is an improvement. I don’t need to get into what my parents like to yell about, i Can say that they are meaner than my brother, just older and less physically threatening.

I am currently trying to work through and absolve all my anger issues and it’s a process that takes time. Reading about just what kind of angry bullshit i have to deal with all throughout my life probably explains why it’s not easy for me to work through the lingering affects it has on me …

Last week i tried to have a simple conversation with my brother about how i like a certain fitness coach and how it seems like a fun job and he started to angrily rant about how he knew people who needed coaches and how he thinks that’s absolutely pathetic because he makes himself stay up all night studying because he has the Will to do so and that if people need support they are wusses who don’t deserve shit or something like that.

It hurt to hear him so angry, it hurt to feel his anger, it felt like emotional daggers cutting into my happiness, my Balanced mental state. It felt like i was being emotionally punched down into a hole. It was difficult for me to not feel like it was my fault for talking about something that happened to upset him. So i came home and did a reading on this to help myself through the moment.

handling anger

I asked: How to handle being hurt by my brother’s anger?

I should hold onto my physical symbol of what i want to manifest, my talisman and grounding myself in this reality of this world, this goal, this possibility, even as a break through has not come yet. What lies at the foundation of my pain is a lack of proper boundaries, I am letting angry people into my energy and allowing them to hurt me, which disconnects me from the love that the universe has for me.

Boundaries around me, and internal safe space within me. All that is sacred, all that is known, in and out, above and below.
With love as the guide for my heart and my soul, my body will follow, the mind will produce, and from this path a dream is induced into physical manifestation.

The Earth and physical reality is there for me, I am blessed. My connection to physical reality allows my blessings to manifest in this realm. Knowing that my friends are there for me can uplift my spirit and carry me above these dense and heavy feelings of hurt. I can reach out to them. In the past i did not properly transmute energy or think clearly, so now there is work for me to do. Right now i release myself from the ego’s projection of jealously that infects my family members and produces this contagious anger. As I am in an environment of healing and receptivity. I am worried about what a lack of meditation does to my plans. However, I should know that my work will pay off and I will have a balanced prosperity.

Spirit is there to guide me, and the physical Earth is here to hold me. I need not escape into fantasy, reality is here, I am here, and I Can Change my Reality.

I used to spend a majority of my day daydreaming as i did my work and lived around anger infested family members. It was how i’d learned to deal with my reality. Escapism is one thing they call it. However, i don’t have to escape reality anymore, and i shouldn’t, i need to remain attached enough to create the reality i want, the reality that is best for me, the reality that is in alignment with my soul purpose. And when I am feeling down in the dumps from external projections of anger, i can reach out to friends for some positive energy to cheer me up.

We, you, I and others don’t have to constantly escape reality in order to cope. We are capable of changing our reality and bringing about our goals. We are also able to reach out to friends for some positive energy input.

Wishing you all a good weekend, Umbra.


Dark Moon Flow

My flow hit the Dark/New Moon this week so i decided to do a few readings with the Quantum Tarot deck which i have not picked up in a while.

First I asked if there was anything to be said since i had gone for several months since picking these up again.

What's up?

Message: All is not lost, I have temporarily broken from my ideals from the disjoint between reality and dreams, but stay strong! The Earth grounds me, the nurturing mother who provides, and what crowns me is a tricky imbalance between giving and receiving. This imbalance is something i have been aiming to break up and resolve, and it is now at the forefront of my mind and will cause more friction … until i resolve it.

Dark/New Moon Spread (i found this somewhere, it is not an original spread of mines)
April 2016 Dark Moon
What is unseen is my release from mental gridlock caused by internal programming, as i have been in a process of healing my psyche, hence all is not lost because I am finally removing removing blindfold. What will begin to show is that I have not entirely left a situation in which i am emotionally attached. What illuminates the dark path is the World showing love and guidance, as i am feeling restricted by perceived limitations, it reminds me that the Universe is unlimited and will be there for me, I don’t have to fight for everything. Myself is represented by the reverse Ace of Wands because … i just experienced a failed launch and now i’m feeling burned out, and nursing my wounded ego. The energy i felt while launching has dissipated and now i don’t feel like trying anymore.

Yes, i launched something i perceived as important yesterday, April 7th, the night of the New Moon. It didn’t do so well and i have been trying to resolve my feelings over it this entire day … after half a day of angsting, i am feeling somewhat better. However, that fire that drove me has diminished to a pulsing ember.

I drove myself Onward even when my flow became heavy and i was so tired that i had to take naps in the middle of the day. And now, i am so tired that i don’t want to go out anymore, i just want to sit at home, finishing projects, cleaning house and tying up new ends.

Thinking of my flow, i decided to do a reading about it! I found this Moon time Spread somewhere a few years ago and i enjoy using this layout 🙂

April Dark Moon Flow 2016

What i release is the constant changes that spun me topsy turvy, and the system shock that came with it. What i keep is the challenges of day to day life and conflicts that come up while working on achieving goals. What I am receiving is a release from the financial struggle and the sense of material lack as i have been working on retaining a mentality of abundance (and watching tons of webinars on it helps). The outside world may temporarily weaken me and make me feel weak, but when i connect to my inner strength and Trust myself, i will Know that I Am Strong. I provide a network of connections to others that improves group dynamics and makes everyone feel connected. Now, I begin to focus on plans for achieving the goals i have in mind. The lesson i need to learn is to be unapolagetically authentic and own my power, let my fire drives me as i work towards my goal, independent of what opinions others may have of it.

These two weeks have been trying on my body, mind and spirit; it has tested my strength and made me feel weak and powerless. But when i draw within myself and gently kindle my inner flame, it grows and burns stronger and stronger. When it is strong enough to power my heart, my self-confidence and trust in the universe, I charge forward, Knowing that i Am Strong, and I Will Achieve ALL my goals.