I dreamed of getting in a huge fight with myself.
Two nights ago, the night of the 7th, I dreamed of getting in a huge fight with a shadow, it woke me up, and really surprised me. I actually wasn’t very scared, the “shadow” felt non-foreign. I did repeatedly ask for protection from my spirit guides until i saw a little circle of light (it’s one of those random things you see when you close your eyes, not some massive vision) and then thought of asking for clarity before i dove back into my fight with this shadow. This second time I fought with shadow, i paused because i was tired of fighting and realized that it would only fight back in defense but not attack me. So we stopped fighting. I was awake at this time and considered blogging about it but decided to go back to sleep without getting up.
The next morning I thought about it and realized that I was fighting myself, my shadow. I wanted to read into it more so i did a reading asking if it was me (yes, redundant, i wanted approval).
(using Deviant Moon tarot)
As I was reading, the six of wands bounced out, celebrating transformation! The sprout has blossomed into a beautiful flower
On to the reading, which showed me that I am finally coming to terms with my feelings and that I will find my way out of this inner maze; as the sun shines on me and I rethink my creative direction and heart’s purpose. Things that add to my inner maze are foolishly leaping forward while looking in all directions, distracted by random thoughts/worries leaping up at me. Not being able to hold onto finances can also add to the confusion.
My thoughts are on domestic peace within heart and home, meanwhile falling on my head when I am unable to juggle everything as I walk. Feelings are of bountiful expression and passion while also being being overwhelmed by emotions and not being able to rule over them smoothly, causing mental confusion and affecting my actions. (Fighting myself is bewildering)
There is a need to focus and spend wisely. Focus is something i both know i need and have been told i need. We all benefit from proper focus, it helps us work more efficiently. Spending … well … let’s just say i have been investing a lot in my journey to heal myself. I am staying in the positive, however, i am also spending close to 20 hrs a week on inner work related webinars and goal related work, then I spend my other time working and caring for my child and my home, which leaves very little for my goals of producing quality work that can be published and distributed. Hence the Magician falling on it’s head and dropping at the creations it had manifested. All this movement is affecting my inner emotional stability, while i stay sane on the outside, my activity is irritating my shadow self as i attempt to bring it to life. This is necessary agitation, as it is time to ease shadow into light.
I like to read the cards on the bottom of the deck, the “back side” as i like to call it. Online, I have seen them referred to them as “shadow cards”. This is what i got:
Now, I am working on my goals, the immediate influence is release of worry. The biggest challenge I face is that of my thoughts entrapping me in worry and creating problems of their own. In the distant past I cleared mental gridlock, then turned away from the blue and quit my puppet dance. In the future I face distraction. Currently, I am working with others on building up a common project, although my environment is not very encouraging as we all have clouds that drift over us and block out hope. I fear not continuing with my journey, thus not moving into a better place. The ending result is a break up of the usual routine. It is a bumping ride, but we are getting somewhere.
Again, a re-iteration of a need to focus and not be distracted by random busy work and mental worry (which according to those webinars, is negative self talk brought on by the ego). Also, today i did some readings with the Sacred Symbols deck and received the Focus card multiple times. I don’t need to get 10 things done haphazardly today, i need to work on my long term goals while taking care of my heart & home.
Now: What to do about shadow?
(using the Sacred Symbols Oracle Deck)
This confused me at first and I stared at it for a while before going to work, then coming back to interpreting after my break from divination. First and foremost, I am Safe. There is no need for magical talismans in the outer world, this is about me, within me, and it is recommended for me to flip heaven and earth so that my feet may dance in the air and my hands brush against the fallen leaves that cover the ground. What grounds me is releasing my burdens and emptying them onto the ground. What crowns me is seeking healing and also finding and growing the healer within me.
To take a walk in the sky while letting my hands brush against the ground …. as I grasp the tangible constructs of life, my feet fly away to other places …
The “back side”:
I am now in a phase of transmutation of the shadow within me that I have been fighting with and supressing. The challenge ahead is the difficulty with receiving messages. What is best now is to think things through. As I have not fully expressed gratitude, nor have I fully grown into my new skin, the new moon energy is unable to enter my being and bring about new manifestations. More inner work is required to reconnect myself … join mind body and spirit with the universe so that I can feel and accept love, so that I can feel, know and own my power. My thoughts are on the shadow and as I heal and learn more about myself, I will attain friendship with my shadow self and in knowing myself better, I will also be able to attain new friends and alliances.
Air: To me air is movement, speed, thoughts that move “faster than light”. With the Dryad reversed I saw myself hanging upside down, thinking everything thoroughly and flying away with my thoughts as my hands worked in the physical realm, on my skills, on my work, on my craft.
I usually start new projects during the New Moon, it happened naturally before I even noticed this. However, during this New Moon, I have not starting anything new, rather, I am revisiting what I had put away. Apparently we are in a phase of Mercury Retrograde and that is just what happens during Mercury Retrograde. I know a little about astrology although I try not to read too much into it … I do not need a new obsession.
How about you? Have any of you [who normally work with the moon energy and “manifest” during the new moon] been unable to harness the New Moon energy this phase? I know that not everyone works with the Moon Phases but for those that do, has this cycle been different?
FYI: i will write a separate post on shadow work as i am currently accumulating references and ideas, and More readings!
On Inner Work: I have been getting the Hermit a lot in my readings, and many other readers online are describing this year as the year of the Hermit.
To know oneself and find light from within.
I will Also write a separate entry for the Hermit.